We don’t hate men – by an Anonymous woman from DRUK-YISA, Bhutan

DRUK- YISA, our Country Advocacy Network from Bhutan, with Sherubtse College (the oldest college in Bhutan) organized programs to celebrate the International Women’s Day. Amidst celebrating how far the women’s rights movement has come, they also discussed several issues that still affect them, almost on a daily basis, ranging from access to education to gender based violence to lack of reproductive rights.


Sherubtse 2

A competition was organized at the event, where participants were asked to share their personal thoughts and opinions on gender injustice and patriarchy in a creative way through a poem or a prose. Though each literary work was amazing, we want to share this with you, written by a participant who chooses to be anonymous
Gender equality! Smashing the patriarchy!
But wait,
There’s more than two gender identity
Facing the criticism of so called humanity, based on their sexuality
We don’t hate men, but we (women) know better about the going on
Inequality, the gap in payment and every gap we face.
You do too, dear men
I know you cry, keep it all inside, you don’t want to be called unmanly
face the wrath of this whatever world in which we live
This inequality has left no one out, made victim out of everyone equally
Looking down on women, making sure men be strong
Leaving the trans people confused, which bathroom should they use
So let’s not misunderstand the term feminism
It’s not just to voice out struggles of our fellow women (I know we have been through alot)
Let’s use it to create stability and equality among all sexes like it was meant to be and
In this unfair world, where our time is numbered
Let’s just be fair to all
This time instead of thinking of our own sex
Let’s think equally for all

Sherubtse 3


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Yes We CAN!

As you all know ASAP is now 10 years old and in this short journey of knowing and working closely with some of the brightest and most passionate advocates of reproductive rights across Asia, we have been able to channel our ideologies of equal rights into reality by mobilizing and working together in the form of our amazing County Advocacy Networks (CANs).
With this new series of blogs we want to share with all of you, some of the work that our CANs have been carrying out in their respective countries. Every week we’ll be posting some glimpses into their work like the research, data collection, stories along with the steps taken by each of these groups that have helped the #srhr needs of their regions, directly or indirectly.

Youth Advocacy Institute for Development- BANGLADESH (YouthAID-B)
Based on a presentation by Co-Founder and Youth Champion Anike Binte Habib

Access to Contraception among educated urban youth
Study Background

Bangladesh has an adolescent population of approximately 36 million (BBS, 2015). Which is, one third of the country’s total population. However, this young mass faces a number of issues such as early marriage, high fertility, limited negotiation skills, and insufficient awareness of and information about reproductive health. More specifically, the young people are poorly informed about contraception which translates into almost one-third of adolescent girls begin childbearing between the ages of 15-19 years. In another study, it was found that 20% of married adolescents without children were using contraception, compared to 42% among all adolescents. Young girls enter married life without proper knowledge with limited ability to exercise their reproductive rights, including

  • decisions related to family planning,
  • childbearing and maternal and
  • child health services, and usually begin childbearing soon after marriage.

Therefore this study by YouthAID-B attempts to contribute to add knowledge on situation, perception and policy option required in this field and to assess the educated urban youth’s access to contraception in Dhaka, Bangladesh



The surveyed young people are age between 19-25 years where 53.1% are female and the remaining (46.9%) are male. 78.9% are the students and 21.1% are service holders. 26% of those surveyed were married, 44% were single and 30% in a relationship. 82.1% said that they were sexually active and 17.9 reported the opposite


Shared below are just some of the interesting findings of the survey conducted by YouthAID-B




Most of the people surveyed had a lot more to say:


So what does all this really mean?

An obvious understanding that came out was that indeed ‘Socio-cultural factors hinder accessing to the contraception use among urban educated young people’. Social norms, stigma, taboo, religious norms and patriarchal structure of the society hinder accessing to contraception use among urban educated young people. What was also evident was that there clearly is an unmet need of contraceptive methods among educated urban youth’. The study shows, that one of the biggest factors to blame here can be lack of availability and accessibility of both the information and the service for long-term and short-term contraceptive methods. Also a popular opinion was that ‘If the right information is available and young people are aware of the different contraceptive methods then they might even try them. The study also shows that if young people have right knowledge and are aware of the different contraceptive methods, and if these methods are available, accessible, affordable and comfortable, then they will try using these.

What YouthAID-B believes

National adolescent health strategy needs to be revised along with young SRHR practitioners in terms of promoting contraceptive methods. The strategy must include directions on providing a range of good quality male and female contraceptive methods which are available, affordable and accessible for both young married and unmarried men and women.

Knowledge, information and counselling on contraceptive methods should be accessible for both young men and women and promoted by the Government. There should be centres for young men and women where they can get information on contraceptive methods.  Government in association with NGOs and CSOs can initiate a national awareness campaign under the family planning programme to dismantle the myths related to contraceptive methods and hammer the socio-cultural barriers that create hurdle for urban young people accessing to the contraception.


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Keep Calm and Take the Medical Abortion Pill.

In much the same way as the Oral Birth Control Pill was either vilified or seen as the magic bullet, depending on which side of the uterus you stood, the Oral Medical Abortion Pills are receiving similar, almost predictable reactions.

Women’s rights groups and women themselves are hailing it, quite rightly, as the next best thing since the Oral Birth Control Pill, while almost everyone else in power, (united as always when faced with anything to do with women’s rights), have denigrated it, created moral panic over it and tried to prevent physical access by banning it and policing it.

At a meeting, I had the privilege of participating in last month, a group of truly badass and amazing women’s rights activists and their supporters engaged in some incredible politically sharp and subversive dialogues and discussions around the latest villain of the drama around women’s sexual lives—the Self- Managed Abortions.

wow pills

This group defined ‘self –managed’ as running the whole gamut from self- procured (online, from a chemist, through a hotline), to self- administered (taken it on their own in absence of formal system supervision), to self- conducting the actual abortion process (managing the bleeding, the products and their disposal).

One of the groups said that they hoped a day would come when every home would have a bottle of Misoprostol pills in the medicine cabinet, right next to the paracetamol or the antacids or the Bandaids, because that is truly the reality of a woman’s life.

Sex happens and pregnancy isn’t always a wanted outcome.

We tried to unpack the various reasons that the ‘system’ feels so threatened by women seeking to manage their own fertility and reproductive autonomy.

The answer, not surprisingly, always comes down to the patriarchy and its need to control women. Women’s mobility, education opportunities, employment and earning capacity, safety concerns, barriers to financial security have all been constructed carefully and elaborately over the centuries to control the most fragile and yet the most powerful notion of them all—the woman should have sex only with whom ‘they’ allow her to and only when ‘they’ allow her to.

That is why marriage as an institution is construed as such a water-shed evet in a woman’s life. The best day of her life.Apparently. To be eclipsed only by the day she becomes a mother. Apparently.

There is no genuine fulfillment a woman can feel through any other achievement which may require intellectual or other skills besides fertility. Such a completing her thesis, or flying a plane or becoming Prime Minister or writing the code for NASA’s rockets.

The laws that are created are also geared towards this aim. Thus having sex before marriage has such a heavy social price on it that virginity testing is done, unwed mothers are shamed, their children are considered illegitimate and ‘honor killings’ are justified.

So what it comes down to is this: A woman cannot say ‘yes’ before marriage, even if she is above 18 and can vote or stand for elections, or drink, or drive or donate organs.

But once a woman is married in fact she cannot say ‘no’ to her husband and must always be available for sex. At least if you live in one of the countries which do not criminalize marital rape. (Such as Afghanistan, Congo, India, Iran, Iraq, North Korea, Saudi Arabia). Many of these countries also top the list for these where girls are being married off as children and there is no sex education in school. And after all that compulsory/ forced sex if there are no children, or no sons, that woman is again at risk of being abandoned, beaten up or subjected to social stigma.

Marital Rape is still perfectly legal in these 38 countires

If for some reason the woman is no longer married, because she is divorced, the husband left her, she left him, she is widowed etc then once again society will shame her and blame her for the relationship breakdown, bringing bad luck to the man and causing his death, and then will go further and shame her and/or punish her for still wanting to have a sexual life.

I was at a workshop recently where I was moderating a panel which had a representative of an NGO that works with single and abandoned women. The participants at this workshop were around 80 women and some men from rural and grassroots NGOs across the state. As the panel moderator I asked the audience casually why we didn’t have anyone from the NGO that works with single and abandoned men. They all erupted with laughter. Another panellist worked with a sex workers’ self- help group. Again I asked them what about sex worker clients’ self-help group. And the last panellist was from an NGO working for widows and this time when I asked the question about NGOs working with widowers, there was silence.

They understood the point that was being made and the realization that all these groups needed to be set up mainly to support women who were for any reason outside of the accepted sexual relationships that a woman can or is allowed to have in a patriarchal society.

We heard from our panellists the stories of a widow needing an abortion and being raped by the moneylender before he gave her the loan to pay for the service in the private sector. We heard of women who go to work as farm labour being encouraged to have a hysterectomy so that they won’t get pregnant when the contractor rapes them. As he was bound to.

We heard stories of sex workers being kicked by the police, on their stomach, when pregnant, because why the &%*# would a sex worker want to be a mother?

It is such chilling and infuriating stories that remind me every single day just how vital and absolutely critical our work is in advocating for safe abortion as a woman’s right.

Just like the oral pill one generation ago, this pill also has the power to disrupt the narrative and subvert the hegemonic control of the patriarchy on women’s sexual and reproductive lives.

Abortion Pills

So here is our mantra for the new age: Keep Calm and Take the Medical Abortion Pill !



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SEX—danger or pleasure?

When healthcare providers speak of sex, it is usually in the context of danger, pathology, disease, unwanted pregnancies and such very clinical concerns.

While that is undoubtedly very important, they also need to learn how to speak to their patients and others about sexual pleasure and everything it entails.

Love Matters India, in collaboration with ASAP, recently organized a workshop in Mumbai which covered topics ranging from the politics of sexual pleasure and other constructs of sex to how contraceptives can easily be a turn on too!

birds and bees

As soon as we got into the deeper discussions it was obvious that 2 days was too less to cover all the topics on fun and pleasure as well as learning about facts and science!

We did try to keep the sessions as interactive as possible

and everybody had some very interesting and valuable points to bring to the table.

On the first day we discussed all about sexuality, sexual health and sexual rights, de- linking them as well as understanding their importance individually. We recognized that sexual pleasure may mean different things to different people but there are certain acceptable and unacceptable things that everybody needs to agree on and for instance at the workshop mutual consent was the winner.

If it's not consensual...

Obviously sexual pleasure does not necessarily need 2 people and while the act of pleasuring self seems to be popular among some, it is still undiscovered by many, owing to the shame attached by society. This is especially true for women who (heaven help us!) want to ‘help themselves’ and might not ‘need a man’ (let’s assume another woman is not even an option for this society).

Interesting myths were busted such as –size definitely doesn’t matter and sex is not more pleasurable for men than women.

However the most interesting part for me was the risk based and the pleasure based approach, specifically in context with contraception.

Arushi from the Pleasure Project, who facilitated the day explained how a balance is required but rarely achieved, with the conservatives only talking about risk (taking the fun out of it) and the other extreme which only talks about pleasure (taking the risk out of it) and often ends up losing the whole point.

The Pleasure Project has been doing some amazing work on making contraceptives sexy instead of a turn off (as is portrayed to us and believed by most men), especially in the porn industry by working on ethical porn for women and encouraging the use of contraception.

On the second day the participants learned about this interesting tool developed by Love Matters, which can be a great support for those in training and education of SRHR or even a couple’s counsellor. The Pleasure Meter asked the person to rate their experiences from 1-10 with 10 marking maximum satisfaction, for a list of questions ranging from ‘The last time you had sex was it pleasurable for you’ to ‘Your consent was taken into account for all your sexual endeavours’.

safe sex

You might think you know the in and out of all your sexual needs, but this meter will give you a reality check for sure!

Dr Suchitra Dalvie, Coordinator Asia Safe Abortion Partnership took some session on the last day starting with case studies that helped to clear a lot of doubts on how you can practice a more sexual pleasure approach while talking to people by deep diving, through an activity demonstrating conversations between the gynaecologist and a client under given circumstances.

It’s not until you are in the shoes of a provider that you know how open minded (or not!) you are!

Well, the workshop was definitely a success for many present there, but like I mentioned above, just 2 days are never enough to talk all pleasure now right?

This is an amazing initiative by Love Matters to normalize sexual pleasure and encourage more people to talk openly about what they like, how they like it and what their turn off is!

on top


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You Too


The fact that even someone like her needed to say this shows us how difficult it is for women to navigate and succeed in what is, essentially, even now, a man’s world.

All systems that matter—law, justice, executive, police, judiciary, medicine, economics, culture, religion —all have been created with the default being Male. (That too a Heterosexual Male, and on the world stage-  a White Heterosexual male)

All frameworks, rules and restrictions are mainly for ‘others’.

Even universal ones like ‘thou shalt not have sex before marriage, for example, is ‘enforceable’ only on women since men cannot, and do not ever need to prove virginity before marriage, whether it is by a humiliating finger test or an equally embarrassing stained sheet after the wedding night.

Men are never accused of infertility, they do not end up having to sneak into back-alleys to get unsafe abortions. When they get married no one asks them at every subsequent job interview how they will balance work and childrearing. No one expects them to put family first and jobs second. No one asks questions when they come home late at night.

Here are some fun statistics for India:

India sees over 30,000 rape cases, yet only 1 in 4 convicted.

And before you start saying women should not go out to work, go out to party, go out using public transport, etc etc, if they want to be safe, check this out:

Delhi Police Commissioner B S Bassi said 70 per cent of the perpetrators in rape cases belonged to the age group of 21-35 years. “Crime-mapping analysis of the city suggested that any woman in a locality is surrounded by between 250 and 400 men who would not think twice before assaulting a woman. Added Bassi. “… almost 39 per cent of the rapes were committed by friends and family members’ friends, something which cannot be prevented by the police.

If you have ever created an environment in which people find it acceptable to think that rape is the woman’s fault then #YouToo have contributed to that rape.

There’s more.

India has the highest number of child marriages in the world. Aka socially sanctioned child sexual abuse.

Child sexual abuse: 4 victims every hour. EVERY HOUR. 

Remember that crimes against women are reported EVERY TWO MINUTES in India!! And imagine the number that goes unreported.

And from our neighbouring country is a story of women routinely setting themselves on fire, yes you read that right, setting themselves on fire to escape the routine violence and violations of their daily life!

There are predators in every single field of work. Think about that.

No woman feels safe.


No one is immune. We are told that educated women, ‘strong’ women, elite women are safe because of course, they hobnob with men who are educated, elite and whatnot. Well here is a story from young medical students from Mumbai.

Remember that misogyny and sexism are the starting point of this slippery slope.

If you think oh well that’s India. Still in the dark ages and all that. Well here is data from UK: Most women who are murdered are killed by their own former or current intimate partner. Yes. Intimate partner.

So if you have ever silenced a woman or girl directly or indirectly either by your own silence, disbelief, ignoring, laughing at or belittling, making a joke of it and sharing it with raucous laughter, if you have ever imagined that women and girls are not as human and full of incandescent potential the way every person is, then #YouToo have contributed to the entire nauseating and infuriating state of affairs that we have been facing for centuries.

If you have ever shrugged your shoulders and said–That is how things are. Accept it. Get on with it. Stop complaining. Everyone manages, why can’t you. What makes you think you are special? It is how it is. Can’t you take a joke? Don’t be so serious!

Well then #YouToo

Whether you are a boy, man, woman, anyone in power, anyone who really really should know better and if you have not yet, NOT ONCE raised your voice in support of this simply unbearable state of affairs, then when you look into the mirror next remember #YouToo

Because all it takes for evil to succeed is the silence of a few good men and women.


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