-Shristi Mainali, Youth Champion Nepal

The blog was originally posted here- https://uncurtainedvoices.wordpress.com/  

Few days ago, as I was surfing the internet and going through some interesting YouTube videos, a suggested video named “Hymen can be healed” caught my attention. I was really taken aback by the video title and decided to be one of the thousands viewers of the video. I was both curious and furious about the video. Curious, because I wanted to know what nonsense stuff was there being preached and furious, because the title itself gave me the impression that how blatantly gibberish it was about. No wonder the video was watched by thousands and there were equally large number of reactions in comments’ section especially from females.

Then I questioned myself, why does a girl need to heal her hymen? Just to prove to her partner that she is a virgin? What if she isn’t? Why does virginity matter, anyway? If it matters, how does a man assure his partner the same thing? Or is it applicable just for females? Why virginity of a man is least thought about and why is it the character defining ‘tool’ for women? I was fuming.

Hymen is still a great concern (especially in south Asian countries) where large numbers of girls marry a complete stranger. Some minor enquiries about family, wealth, guy and his occupation, it is deemed favorable to marry the guy. In arranged marriage like such, knowing about the partners in detail is rare. Moreover, in a male dominated society, women are often judged by what they wear, how they present themselves, their previous relationships (if any) and their virginity. Thus, many females try certain capsules to fake bleeding after the intercourse, some use artificial hymen whereas some choose whole surgical process to repair their hymen. Having had many social issues to deal with, the matter regarding virginity and hymen adds to their already piled up stress.

Women need to understand that hymen doesn’t cover the whole opening of the vagina but it is just a thin layer of muscular membrane at the wall of vagina which gets stretched during a female’s first intercourse. Very few percentage of women bleed during this event and for rest the hymen gets adjusted towards the edges of vaginal wall which prevents the bleeding. Hymen can’t measure or decide the virginity of a woman rather this myth is created to control a woman’s sexuality. People might now think what can be the alternative way to know about the sexual activeness of a woman. I would ask you to think some ways to know about the sexual activeness of a man. Can you know if a man is a virgin or not unless you ask him about it? No, you can’t! Thus, same thing applies for a woman too. You know about her virginity status only if she tells you, and telling the truth or choosing not to tell is solely her own decision/right. Lastly, if a guy searches for blood stains on the white bed sheet after you do your thing then here’s a suggestion ladies, let him go and find someone who loves you not your hymen. Hymen and bleeding is not the proof of your virginity but the so called “Modern Society” will often find ways to either prude-shame or slut-shame a woman and disrespect her dignity. Thus, stop thinking about your hymen and just enjoy who you are.